Alwin

Dr. Alwin Lee Kim Peng
(1981 - 2006)

Six months has passed since Alwin passed away last Christmas.

I was lazing on the couch on Christmas noon, easing my hangover from the rowdy night before, when I received this sms:

"Dr Alwin just pass away 25/12/06 @10.44am...Thank you. Fr: family"

For two heart beats, I just laid there staring at my phone screen, before it finally dawned on me.

Alwin was really gone.

The few months counting down to Alwin's last moment, I sent him more sms's and called him more times than any other times in college. He was still the same him. A little naughty, and being himself. I guess I regretted a little for not making the trip over to KL to visit him when he was hospitalized. At least WM did make it on one trip, after I told her that Alwin was suffering from Acute Myeloid Leukaemia (AML). My case, I had to fly over to his place, and that was not something I was willing to do at that time.

So, I made that up by calling him often, though not everyday, and prayed for him in the nights.

Alwin did a bone marrow transplant sometime in April or May last year, and was for a period at a slightly better condition. He even went home and had supper out in the market place with his family once. But AML was no easy disease. Every single effort was needed in order to fight it. It was one of the most aggressive and lethal malignancy that killed young people who was diagnosed with it.

Eventually, Alwin stopped replying my messages. He was getting too weak to even type a message on his cell phone.

I was getting more and more worried as the day passed by.

I kept another of his sms in my phone:

"still having discomfort & in hospital! will email u my progress later! dun call me now! can pray for me?"

It just broke my heart to read it.

Then, at 23 December 2006, I remembered another sms that told of him going into a coma. It was then that I knew that it won't be long.

Two days later, Alwin passed away.

Rest in peace, Al, and I hope that your stay here was good.

Heat

I looked to the sky, and saw that it was greyish blue. I guess it would rain this afternoon.

I hoped that it would rain.

I had been having some heat spells for the past few days. My voice had changed due to that, and I kept feeling lazy and tired in midday. I never liked that.

During the days when I was in the U.K., Summer was the time when I spent the least time sleeping, for the day was long in summer. I could be up at six in the morning, and kept going on with life until eleven in the evening, yet not feel the slightest bit of tiredness.

Back here in Kuching, the heat really got to me, especially during the dry season.

One other thing that I did not like about the dry season, was that the neighbouring country would burn their jungles at this time. That was to prepare their land for a new year of planting. Burning of the land at such big scale, caused the whole region to be enveloped in smog and haze.

I hated that. Still do.

Let's just hope that I'll survive through this period once again for another year.

Talk

I know that this is a little bit out of the blue, but.. I'm MARRIED!!!

Nah~

Never mind what I just said, the thing is, I'm happy. A little bit bordering blissfully happy. Well, may be not there yet, but I'm working my way there.

I have taken some of my weights off my shoulder and out of my heart. So, that gives me more freedom to move around. Or, should I say, I am just glad that I got what I wanted to say off my chest now.

Previously, I had been burdening myself with all my own thoughts and my emotions. With everything bottled up in me, I give myself no space and no air to breathe in. Not talking is most certainly not healthy, the same goes with talking too much. :)

But now, I have had my chance to talk, and to get those things of me, I am most definitely feeling absolutely happy.

I like to talk. It keeps the relationship healthy. But only with a few conditions that you are able to speak the truth, with no emotional or any other form of biases, and that you speak from your heart. Put the person you are talking to in front of you, and think about that person when you talk. Remember, the purpose is to get your point(s) across.

Talk and try to make that person understand, but don't expect him or her to fully grasp your meaning or your heart in one moment. Sometimes, we all need sometime before we could fully recognize another's journey and heart.

Thank you for talking to me, or should I say, letting my talk?

The Truth

This was a blog that I had written on March 11, 2007, in my friendster account. Enjoy reading, people!!!

I have been reading the blogs of my friend, and I am quite surprised by the things that he/she writes.

There are blogs where people will just complain and complain, and there are blogs where people will just talk about their emotions with no concrete details. These are the blogs that won't usually attract any readers, apart from their inner circles.

I like blogs where people talk honestly about their lifes and their thinkings. Everyone is entitled to their own feelings. As long as one talks honestly, that would still be better than the sweetest lies in this world, though most of the time, the truth is a bitter taste worse than that of a bitter gourd. The truth would sting. But it would always be a thing that push a person to better himself.

I opt for the honest truth, brutally honest. I like to believe that people like Eminem succeeded because their songs were the real life painting of the society that he lives in. Although ugly, it is still the truth, and that is what all of us is looking for. The truth.

Oh well, I guess the other thing that turns me away from a person's blog, is that those blogs are written in English so bad, that it just hurts to read them. No offense to all, but I just cannot stand it when people would just ignore the simple rules of grammar and go, "I is..."!!!

Forgive me for saying it out loud, but this is the truth, and it is better than the sweetest lies in this world, is it not?

Sibu

So, I had been up and into the town of Sibu. It was not all that bad. I mean, I did get to see my friend, the one from KL, and see another friend, that one was from Kuching, and finally, I got to make myself a new friend.

The story went like this.

It was finally Saturday morning, and I was all packed to go to the airport. It was silly of me, though not unfortunate, to think that my flight leaves one hour before the actual time, and arrived at the airport two hours earlier. I rushed to the check-in counter thinking that I was late, yet was absently wondering to myself why were there not more people checking in.

It was only when I went down to the lobby for a cup of coffee and some breakfast, that it hit me. My flight was not until an hour and a half later!!!

I took my time having my sandwiches, and reading the free "Eastern Times". They had it at the AirAsia check-in counter in the Kuching International Airport. Nothing very prominent or outstanding for the day. After a while, I got bored reading it.

I roamed around the area for some time, and took some effort to find the Mandarine fish in the tropical aquarium set in the departure hall. I could not see it. Morning was not their time of daily outing.

I was walking down the corridor towards my boarding gate when a girl seated to my left lifted her arm and waved enthusiatically at me. I looked at her and registered a familiar face, yet recognition failed me. She had a big smile, and a girlie character. I sat down beside her, out of politeness, and started talking.

The wonder of small talks, is that it allows you time to search through your mind the net of people connections, finding that one key name or identity, yet not offend the very person that you are having a animated converstation with, as though you know her from the very first minute your eyes are set on her. Ah, the art of communication, it never fails to save relationships!

Anyway, We were talking, and she found out that I was alone on my trip to Sibu, with no car to take me into town. This kind little lady offered me a ride down to town with her father. I was absolutely blessed!!! Why, thank you very much!!!

So, down into town I went with her family, in her wonderful white Toyota. It took her parents some effort to find the place where I was supposed to stay for the night. But we finally found it. And her father was absolutely kind and helpful, even reminded me to call them if I ever needed anything. Thank you, again. :)

The teacher of my friends came to the door and let me in. I looked at her and raised my eye brows. Teacher in her teacher's outfit. It took a little getting use to.

We sat around for a while, and she took me out for lunch at one of those kopitiam in the town centre. We ordered, and talked about life and people back home. It was nice, sometimes, to be able to just talk, a little deeper, a little more quietly.

We went for a hair wash later on. It was her favorite way of passing time. Oh, no, to her, hair washing was not a pass time for her. It was a neccessity. It was a part of life itself.

We were bewildered though, for that particular saloon that we went to, had their customers laid down for a hair wash. Imagine that.

The girls that did our hair talked to us, and asked us where we were from. I said that we came from the jungle. Teacher started to shake her head when I started my story. I told those girls the very details of my home origin, and Teacher would just sigh with a laugh and shake her head. Later on that evening, Teacher would tell me that I was really fooling people around. I retorted, asking her whether there was one word of a lie that I told those girls. Teacher was silent for a moment, and finally said no. I did not lie to those girls. I was just merely having some fun of our own with them. Harmless little fun.

That evening, we had dinner at a restaurant near the bus terminal. It was good, but the meal was too large for just two. We did not complain. Teacher was happy eating. I was just being careful not to overeat and had myself a stomachache later.

On our way back, my other friend, this one from KL, whom I came all the way down to meet, had finally called. She wanted me to come to her hotel to spend the night with her. And I was glad later that I did not, for I had to share a single bed with her, and a room with two other women.

Furthermore, it was late, and Teacher was tired. I could not possibly ask her to send me back into town just to meet her. That would just be too unfair and inappropriate.

I mean, respect me a little. I had come all this way, and you had not spare a single minute for me, nor the effort to arrange for the meeting, even accused me of not making the effort to meet up. What do you expect? Me to be your on-call friend and come to you only when you please?

So, We got back, showered and changed, and sat lazily in front of the TV. Teaher was sleepy. So, I asked her to go to bed.

We went to bed. I slept on the floor in a sleeping bag. I could not sleep the whole night. I listened to the dogs howled thrice in the night. The third time they howled, I knew that it was morning.

I spent only an hour an a half with my other friend the next day. Then, I asked Teacher to send me to the airport. So, there, my Sibu trip ended.

But it was not a lost. I spent quality time with a quality friend. I met another friend on my way back, and I totally allowed myself to relax during this whole trip. I mean, since I was there, might as well make it into a holiday!!

I was happy. Things may not alway work in your favour, but learn the art of turning the stakes around and make things work towards your advantage. Be open, and be smart. Life is beautiful.

In the end, I gained more than I thought I would lose.

Virginia Tech Shooting

It was a shocking news to hear about the shooting spree in Virginia Tech.

33 deaths, including the shooter, Cho Seung-Hui himself.

This was a piece of saddening news. This is a maddening world.

But as quickly as the incident came, the whole issue ended as abruptly. For one moment, the whole world was looking at the shooting. Now, there was not even one article telling the aftermath of the event.

Oh, well. Life moves on.

But, my heart goes out to those who have lost someone to the shooting. I dare not say that I understand what it is like to lose someone you love in a split second, but I try to feel for you.

Please be strong, and may God blesses those souls lost.

Stupid

You know how it was like when you had done something really stupid, yet there was no turning back? And while you were feeling stupid all the way, someone came along and started to laugh at you. That, made you felt even more stupid and the act worthless.

I had just paid RM200.00 for a trip down to Sibu, for less than 24 hours in town, to meet a friend. A friend who had been a mate to me during my time as a houseman in Kuala Lumpur.

I know that she is my mate, and that we have spent some really good times together. But that does not mean that she could use our friendship to threaten me to go into town to meet her.

I mean, it takes money and a day of leave to do just that.

Furthermore, she could be so busy with work that she might not have the time to really talk to me.

Now, I'm feeling really stupid.

To Trust, Or To Believe? What Should It Be?

I have not been here for a month. My life has been busy, busy picking up things where I have left them before. Old friends to gather, new friends to meet, and my work. Everyday starts with me picking up the unfinished ends of yesterday and continuing with what should be done for the rest of it, and starting the whole cycle all over again.

Once in a while, something new would pop up. And that would most certainly disturbed your routine.

These surprises, they could be pleasant, or not.

But whether they were angels, or devils, they most certainly would leave you with a mark. Something for you to remember them by, be it a spot where you smiled at once you laid your eyes on it, or a scar that was just too ugly to bear sight.

Some scars may be ugly, but they are your medals that honour your growth and maturity. Some scars are just there because you chose to trust the wrong person.

I do not trust easily. People lie. This is a plain fact.

Never trust easily, nor fully. Always leave some space in between so you will have time to bulk. This was my lesson.

But once in a while, if it appears in front of me, I will choose to believe.

And once I believe, I hold on to it fast, and will never let go.

Trust and believe. They are not the same.

I may not trust a person's character to accomplish certain things, but I believe in the good in him, that he is capable of being kind to others.

It is hard to trust, harder still to believe. Yet believing can be so easy, the moment that you see it, you will know what to believe in.

It is hard to trust, but believing makes things easier. At least it makes living with that person more bearable.

有关距离的一篇书

不知道这是谁， 从朋友的部落客找到的。觉得他那关于距离的文章有趣， 所以特将那篇文章连接过来，请各位看官读读：

http://lyh79.blogspot.com/2007/03/blog-post_30.html

Something New

It was like deja vu...

I called up a friend's mother the night before, and she told me things that were scarily similar to what I had been going through for these past few days, without me telling her about my life.

And the night before I was with another friend, who talked to me all things regarding the spiritual side of the human being.

So now, I am making more friends of the spiritual aspect?

Oh well, it is just another phase in my life. At least it's interesting. Something new.

Burnt Out

I came into work, gloomy to say the least. It was the tenth day of Chinese New Year, and I started to feel rather tired of my recent life.

Don't get me wrong, I am absolutely blissfully happy this Chinese New Year. It has been ten years since our lot graduated high school. Though we are able to meet a few of our friends in between these times, we do not get to see everyone.

Best of all, I get to make new good friends, many of whom are only "pass-by-give-you-a-look" kind of friends when we were in school.

Life is very interesting and fulfilling in it's own way, isn't it?

I am happy, to say the least.

But it has been nearly a full ten days of late night outing, and I am burnt out.

I need a break, guys. Real nice to see you all, but thankfully, you guys are all leaving these few days. No hard feelings, but I will still cherish the moments that we spend together, and your love and heart for me.

Please be safe and take care, wherever you are, my mates!!!

Rag

I woke up this morning, and suddenly things became clear to me.

There were times when I spent too much time and energy doing things that reared no outcome. Yet I chose not to believe in that reality. I like to believe that with my effort, I could change things.

It was great to be able to think like that, and sometimes, things really did change if enough effort and time were invested.

But that does not work for every case.

A piece of torn clothing, however you mend it, will never be the same again, however much you wish it to be.

Reality hit this morning, and I finally decided to let it go.

I will have many more new clothing in the future, though this may be my favorite one, once torn, it will have to go.

Class of '97: Tenth Year Reunion

Sometimes, without realizing it, time most certainly flies. Everyone has their own lifes to live on. But once in a while, some of us would slow down and start to think: How far have we all come?

Ladies and Gentlemen!!!! This is the night of the Tenth Year Reunion for the Class of '97, from the ever famous KHS!!!

It started one night when one of us had a little drink, and started to think about old friends and old school mates. It was then when he decided to have an occasion when everyone of us would gather together and have a wonderful time.

It only took him less than a minute to make that decision, a night to find four others to help him with this project, and less then three months to get eveything ready and everyone invited.

So the date was set on the third night of Chinese New Year, and the invitations sent out. By word of mouth this piece of news spread far and fast. Before Chinese New Year, we all received the news.

It was an anticipated occasion. Who would have thought, we had all graduated high school for ten years.

It was a wonderful night. We have a wonderful crowd, and a wonderful moment. Each and everyone of us is a jewel on its own accord. The night shone because of each and everyone of us.

This was a night of renewed friendship, a night when we said thank you to our teachers who were now older and wiser. A night where we see old faces with a new heart. A night where people are just glad that we were all there.

Blue-green was the colour of the night

Long-found Friend: Janet, you looked fabolous!!!

My pal, someone who took me in like a brother.

And a friend who cares a lot... I thank you... :)

The bunch of sweeties

And the bunch of naughties...

I guess no one would believe that one of us was a teacher retired just a few years ago...

And this, dear all, is the lovely son of the Kho's!!!

Don't we just look good with each other??? Ha ha!!!

Valentine

It's valentine's day, and it started me thinking.

What was the purpose of valentine's day?

They said that it was a day to celebrate the love between two people. I do not object.

They said that it was a day to show your love to your loved one. I do not object.

They said that it was a day to take you love one out for a candle light dinner. Yes, that's romantic.

But was all that necessary?

Who said that one must send red roses to their valentine on this day?

Who decided that one must have dinner in a dimly-lit room with forks and knives with their valentine on this day?

Does it mean that the more roses that one sent, your love for the other is bigger or of more value or richer?

Don't get me wrong. I still blush with happiness whenever I receive flowers on this day, and smile at myself whenever I think of that someone. It's the little gimmicks like this that keep the love going.

But was that all necessary?

Here I am, sitting in front of my desk, looking at the flowers that I received in the day, yet only the feeling of tiredness and dread envelop me.

These flowers are dying. And I hate them.

Red roses are turning into black petals. Dark and ugly.

Until someone called me nearly one in the morning, and came to my place with a bunch of roses.

They were pink, fresh, and pure. They bloomed with the heart of the giver.

And I was happy. Not because I received flowers. But because someone still cared enough to know that I was alone on valentine's day and came to me, even though it might not be valentine's anymore.

I may still be alone. But I have friends who cared. Enough to search the area at midnight to get flowers and make the journey to my place. Friends who love me enough to take care of me in such a sense.

Never my lover, yet today, he was my valentine.

I thank you.

I may be alone, but my heart is warm.

Guys, people, I love you all!!! Happy valentine's day, and may all your days be as sweet as valentine!!!! Cheers!!!

50th Dive

I just realized that I have done exactly fifty dives within a year of gaining my PADI Open Water!!! Wow!!!

I have never imagined that I could actually do it. I mean, it was not even in my mind to try out diving two Octobers ago. But now here I was making fifty dives in less than a year, I should probably give myself a good pat on my back!!! Ha ha!!!

Not that it was anything to babbled for many respectable, hard core divers, but it was a significant milestone for me.

Cheer, guys!!! I did fifty dives in ten months!!! Ha ha!!!

Diving in a Cave

A few of us went diving in a cave somewhere in the area of Bau, Kuching the day before. Yes, we dived in a cave. A high-ceilinged cave, with a small body of water from the entrance halfway into the cave. This was no cave diving in the normal perception.

It was raining heavily in the morning before we went up to the cave in four vehicles. Some were worried about the weather, some were worried about the darkness underwater, some were worried about the cold water, but mostly, at least for me, I was more worried about the mountain rush of flood that was known to sweep people away.

The rain stopped when we reached the cave, which was situated off road, some distance away into the bushes. There was a trail for a single car to pass through, which was both rocky and muddy. Trees and underbushes had overgrown over the track, hitting the windscreen everytime we passed. I drove my Pajero as slow as I could, while CS and Angel chatted. Angel was all bubbly with excitement. It had been a while since I last saw her this elated.

We parked in a small clearing just outside the cave. Then, we changed and got our gears ready. I was a little slow and unorganized. It had been two months since I last dived. You get a little rusty after a while.

The cave was a lime-stoned cave, with high-rising walls that reached about eight metres in height. The walls were rough and red, with different rock formation. When light was shine upon them, it glittered with gold colours. It was once a gold mine.

The water was right at the entrance. When disturbed, the sediments at the bottom would muddied it. The sediment particles were red, like the walls. They were not exactly mud, nor sand, or even silt. I would just call them red sendiments for the time being.

With our fins and torch in hand, we wadded into the cold water. David was our guide, and he brought us in. Everyone was rather disorganised in the first place. It was dark, and the visibility rather bad. Everybody tried to stick together, which in the end caused us all to bump together, like a school of big fish.

The water was swallow, 4 to 5 metres deep at most. Thus, it was important that we keep ourselves buoyant and not disturbed the sediment bed. Lights were shining everywhere from torches and camera flashes (we brought underwater cameras). There was nothing much on the bottom except for rocks and sediments and a few near transparent fishes. These fishes were so small and thin, that it made you think of those who were never fed enough. The fishes were non-responsive when the lights were shone on them. They were either not used to having to run from danger, or they were just too starved tired to give you a damn.

It was not long before we came to the end of the water body in the cave. From the shore up it was another long passageway deep into the darkness. We could still see light from where we entered the water. There was a bend halfway down the cave, but it was not so steep that it blocked out the light.

The few of us took a few pictures at the end of the water body before we submerged again and dived our way back. We were getting colder by the minute. At one point, my light went out. It was not just mine. A few of us suffered the same fate underwater. The light would come again when we surfaced, and off a little while later underwater. We were guessing that it was the cold that turned the lights off.

This was not exactly cave diving. But it was really a unique experience, and a good introduction if one was interested in cave diving. I won't mind trying another cave dive, but not this cave anymore.

Filler Post, Again...

My internet connection have been compromised with some problems with my computer back home. Therefore I was not able to update my blog as often. Furthermore all my pictures of Sipadan are in my PC back home. So, for Sipadan updates, no known date yet.

Life is still pretty much the same, except for the part that I will have to wait until at least March to start diving again. Working, eating, sleeping, hanging out with friends... that is pretty much it. My life.

One thing to note though, my sister just came back for holidays two days ago. She looked the same, although slightly tired. All the traces of late nights and hectic schedule, exposing themselves on her features.

Me, I'm at work now. And have to stop here. There is this one guy who likes to talk a lot and he's bugging me with all his TALK!!! Hey, I'm trying to concentrate here!!!

Oh boy, that's all for now.

Filler Post

It has been a while since I last updated. Life has been busy, what with my work and my family. I guess being busy means that it was time-fulfilling, yet that should not be the reason to neglect some of the things important in life, like your family and friends.

I was in Johor Bahru for a day and three nights. Imagine that.

It had been almost four months since I last went there. The last time that I was here, I received a shock that made me more wary about making friends round and about. Things that you just cannot predict from a person, they are crazy and they make you crazy. However, having said that, I am pretty much a crazy person too. I make a lot of people go crazy. Haha!!!

Well, that's update for now.

Sipadan update will be coming soon.

Happy New Year!!!

I got myself wasted on Christmas eve, so I decided to go sober on New Year's eve.

But heck!!! I still managed a few drinks!!!

I mean, com'mon, it's new year's eve!!!

The place that I went to was absolutely crowded. It was barely 10 p.m. and the pub was filled!!!

But I was getting bored. I mean, the place and crowd were alright. My friends were there, and there were familiar faces from the front to the back. No, the place was right. The crowd my crowd.

It was the waiting that brought me down. But that was not truly the main reason why. I was already bored even before I went to the pub.

What happened during the celebration on Christmas eve was very downheartening, and I just hated it when things got complicated, especially when it came to having fun.

Fun is a simple thing. If it complicates things, then I would rather not have it at all.

Call me boring, and call me extreme, I would rather stay away from all that.

So, I kept my crowd simple on new year's eve. A few close friends, and a familiar place. I want a trouble-free night of celebration!!!

So I did.

Thanks, guys, all of you, for being that good and fun bunch!!! I really appreciate it, and was happy and relaxed. I knew that I did not exactly get my head all in for the fun, but it was so much better than my Chirstmas eve.

So, once again, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I'm glad that I get to welcome the new year with you all. May you all have a wonderous, blessed and fruitful year ahead!!!

Cheers!!!

Twin Watches

Some months ago, I met this girl whom I noticed wore the same watch as mine. It was cartainly a surprise, seeing a watch similar to mine on the wrist of another, although it was of a different colour.

I mean, what are the chances of that?

So, I asked for our two watches to be photographed together, with the addition of our rings and our mobile phones. She graciously complied.

If you take a very good look at the two watches, you will notice that they portray the two very different characters of its owners. One of them indicates the time in the 24-hourly fashion, while the other chooses the a.m./p.m. style.

Even the mobile phones indicates time in a very different manner. One chooses the digital display, while the other is an analog clock.

With four different time displays, four different times were displayed.