A Preliminary View of My Bedroom

My bedroom, with my new picture

I have just received a new picture for my bedroom wall, and I am super excited!!!

Now all that I need is to frame the picture up, and hang it up right. It will be such bliss and wonder to look at my room now. ^.^

MIndless rambling

And where does all these goes?

It being late, and I'm still up, as do many of us.

Things aren't going as smoothly as I thought it should be.

May be it's the global recession, may be it's me...

Whatever it is, I am slowly changing.

I still want my friends and family. I still want to be a part of them.

I just don't really have the time and mood to just hang out nowadays.

I just wanna have some alone time, to think about the things that I've missed thinking while I was busy.

I meet them, many of them, tonight. But it has been different. I have been away for a long time.

Certain things, I do not regret.

Certain things, I hope I have done right by them.

But most of all, I just want to have peace in my heart. And be happy for what I am , who I am, and what I have.

I just wanna be me.

Stubborn or Hard-Willed?

I was back in school one Sunday morning, and I was mortified to find my old school's front block being torn into pieces, literally!

明德楼

I am not exaggerating. The school was actually being taken apart!

However, we all know what that is for. It has been months since that tragic day in December, 2008. The fire that took away the part of Kuching High that holds many a memory of our good old school days. What was left standing was the front door of the administrative building, which stood as the significant monument for the school. That part of the building was named "明德楼", for once upon a time this school was called "明德中学"。

There had been a lot of talk since years ago about the building of new buildings for the school, but that was never truly substantiated. I guessed from my part that it was out of the old reminiscent for the school building that had stood on the school grounds for more than a hundred years. Students had come into the school through these doors, and left from these doors. Whoever had the heart to bring down a piece of history that meant so dearly to so many of us?

But I guess that it is time to let go. There will be new buildings. But the old walls stand tall and still, as if to tell the world that nothing in this world can thwart the spirit of the school, not even a fire.

Kuching High will thrive!

It's Two Different Things!!!

With all due respect, I would like to state that even though I have great distaste for fake tattoos, I have no disrespect for those that had one (or two).

I have full RESPECT for all manners of expressions presented by each and every individuals, and understand that everyone has their rights and freedom to choose their expressions in whatever way that seem fitting, though that might not seem so to others. It is just that my respect does not exactly translate into agreeable taste in some occasions.

Forgive me if my taste is not at all on par with many others.

Fake Tattoos

It is only natural in this world, that human beings, be them man or woman, beautifies themselves in ways that they see fit. Some colour their faces, others add or reduce parts of their anatomy. But all is fine, as long as they are the true expression of oneself, if not pleasing to the eyes.

However, there is one thing that I just find pathetic in a person, that is he/she would go about sporting a FAKE tattoo, and trying to look cool in it.

I like tattoos, though I have none myself. It shows character, and that is because one needs to go through pain and bleeding in order to obtain it. And that, itself, takes a lot of courage and endurance, particularly those tattoos done in sensitive places. I admire them, the people who has gone through the bloody ritual of being engrave with a symbol that represents something in themselves or their lifes. I respect this way of individual expression.

That is why it annoys me a lot to see someone wearing a fake one on the arm or the thigh, especially on people whom we all know from first look that they are the least likely person to go for a tattoo themselves. This, in my own way of seeing it, is a disgrace to themselves, as it only goes on to show how much of a chicken they are. These wannabes are so much without character, that it just turns me off.

My advice? Don't wear a tattoo unless you are sure that you had wanted it, and that you have found just that right one, on the right place. And never print the names of your boy/girlfriends, lovers, or husbands/wives in the tattoo. You'll never know when you will regret that tattoo.

Oh~ Just Another Blog of the Day...

It had been a while since I last blogged. A friend of mine was asking me when I would start writing again, and I was pleasantly surprised that anyone would want to read my writings.

I have, however, these days, been more fond of looking into Facebook and updating my status from time to time. I find that a better and easier way of expressing myself, with more interactions and feedback. Blogging can be quite a lonely task, as though you are talking and writing into an abyss.

One colleague of mine asked me one day, "Huh? You actually wrote in your FB about your sales?" Well, not so much in context, but more of the emotional side of it. :-)

Chinese New Year is just round the corner, and tonight I am sitting here in my hotel room writing to tell the world what I have to say, which is nothing much. Updating can be a pain in the ass when you already have to update your sales reports everyday. Furthermore, I do not want to bore my readers with what I had for breakfast this morning in the airport. But since I mentioned breakfast, McDonald's opened at 4 a.m. in the airport, and the freshly prepared Sausage McMuffin was heavenly on a cold morning.

I had two of that this morning.
(There, that was my "sinful act" of the morning).

And I am reading a book now documenting the life of a "Multiple Personalities Disordered" person. I found out that the more specific term for this condition is "Dissociative Identity Disorder, DID", whereby a person might display distinctly different personalities that would emerge when the person reached adulthood at different times and circumstances.

In many cases, the person had undergone childhood abuse, both physically and/or sexually, of which the child had chosen to blocked out during the event. These alters were the personalities that carried the memories of the abuse, while protecting the child from suffering since young.

I then googled the term "DID" on the net and found an interesting and comprehensive video on the condition, and it was heartbreaking to watch the people suffering from DID. Understanding brings sympathy and empathy for the victim and also the carer of the victim. It was a life of absolute distortion, of not remembering what really had happened to oneself, and the constant danger of hurting oneself. Self-mutilation is common. One woman set fire on her car and woke up later breathing through a respirator.

So much for now. Currently, I consider the book the most interesting thing in my life now, and had done a slight research of the content, apart from the fact that I had to get ready for the new year, bring in more sales, travel to places, furnish my room, supervise a gathering for the scout group, pinning a date down for the event, and make sure that the kids are doing okay. (Not my kids, the kids that are supposed to be organizing the gathering).

But I have made many good friends along the way, particularly when I am travelling alone. Busy is my life, but the fulfilment is there.

Durian and the Satisfaction It Brings

I had durian today.

The fruit was not big. A rather small piece of thing, but since I was the only one to have it, the amount was just nice.

Grandpa had it cut up for me. He halved it and left it on the table. He was not taking any, as the time was after dinner. Grandpa was a borderline diabetic, and since his discovery he had reduced all intake of carbohydrates.

The fruit was nice. Just the way I like it. The flesh was off white and creamy, with a slight bitter taste to it. Just my kind of durian. I took almost ten nuts of it, and could not finish with the last three. I put them in the fridge. Someone can have them later.

I am satisfied now, and bloated.

Ah~~~

Survival Kit

So, what if one day I were to go into the wilderness?

I wonder what I should be bringing with me?

Here are some suggestions from a friend.

A torch, a Swiss army knife and a blue flame light stick.

Hmmm.....

This blue flame light stick is suppose to be non-toxic and non-radioactive.
This should be very useful in dark places, such as the insides of caves.

More suggestions came in...

Tea leaves for tea breaks, safety clips to hold stuffs, and a deck of cards to pass time...

On top of that, one could still add in...

A cap for sun protection, some pills for flu and a bottle of tiger balm, that works miracles for itch and stuffy nose.

This should keep one safe enough from the terrain...

Kids and My Love

I am a sucker for kids. Alright, I will admit that.

The moment a baby or a cute little thing appear within my field of vision, my head turns as fast as a man would in the direction of a beautiful woman. My eyes will shine like the stars in a clear night sky, and my body will move automatically towards the direction of the cute little thing.

I have no idea why I like them so much. They can be the noisiest and the most demanding of all people, yet one just cannot say no to them when they start to look at you with their pleading puppy eyes.

Not that I have kids of my own. I wonder if my love and perception for kids will change once I do have them? Having kids to play around is fun, but on the other hand, I am not the most patient person in this world. I might not like them that much anymore once I started to have them hanging around me 24/7.

Geez... I guess I might just have one kid in my life then... :)

The Second Month

Nearly two months into my new job, and I am happy with what I am doing and where I am now. The pressure of the work has not set in for me , as I do not carry the target until after August.

I, however, am gearing myself up for it, not knowing what will it be like once the target for my achievement sets in.

Fingers cross, hoping that I will make it when the time comes.

Monks in Coffee Bean

This was in the Kuching International Airport, when I was sitting idly waiting to board my flight. MAS was delaying my flight, and I was rewarded with another two hours of boredom.

I saw two monks walking in my direction and into Coffee Bean.

They have clean and well-shaved head, and spoke Mandarin in an accent which indicated that they were not local.

The waitress serving their customers.

They ordered in English spoken in words and phrases, and their voices were loud and clear. It made me smile, for only those with a bright and open heart would speak with voices like that.

The monk with a white cap was tall and humble. The short monk was a female (forgive me for not knowing how to address a female monk). She was the bold one. :) I knew that from the manner of their speech.

Where I Went Today

I went to that blue building today!!!

闷

今天的我，心里面突然一阵郁闷。 我知道，是我， 也有一点责任。

说了一些话，然一个人把他的心给关了起来。

是我，让情况变得有些隔膜。

其实我也没做错什么。也许我们唯一的错，就是我并不是他一个可以推心置腹的朋友。

不知道为什么， 心里会为这件事闷闷的。

One Weekend Some Time Ago

I was sitting in front of SOHO one Saturday night, sipping little sips of Black Label from a plastic cup (the pub had run out of glasses, it was a weekend night), while watching the people coming in and out of the place.

This really was an interesting place.

Like my friend Jude once told me,"People come in a couple, or they come in a group. Some come alone. Some come to make a group, some come to be in a group." This was very true for SOHO during weekends. (Jude was actually referring to another pub when he said that, but I guess that was the truth for most places.)

SOHO was packed that night. It was like the whole town of young people were there. The age group that came here each night seemed to be getting younger and younger. Everyone was drinking and laughing like a maniac all around. Yet, I still see a young girl sitting alone by the flower pots in front of the place. It was nearly midnight, and she was looking tired and bored. I guessed not everybody enjoyed the place.

I wonder if the people there were truly happy.

I suddenly felt tired. May be, I should just go home.

Talk

I know that this is a little bit out of the blue, but.. I'm MARRIED!!!

Nah~

Never mind what I just said, the thing is, I'm happy. A little bit bordering blissfully happy. Well, may be not there yet, but I'm working my way there.

I have taken some of my weights off my shoulder and out of my heart. So, that gives me more freedom to move around. Or, should I say, I am just glad that I got what I wanted to say off my chest now.

Previously, I had been burdening myself with all my own thoughts and my emotions. With everything bottled up in me, I give myself no space and no air to breathe in. Not talking is most certainly not healthy, the same goes with talking too much. :)

But now, I have had my chance to talk, and to get those things of me, I am most definitely feeling absolutely happy.

I like to talk. It keeps the relationship healthy. But only with a few conditions that you are able to speak the truth, with no emotional or any other form of biases, and that you speak from your heart. Put the person you are talking to in front of you, and think about that person when you talk. Remember, the purpose is to get your point(s) across.

Talk and try to make that person understand, but don't expect him or her to fully grasp your meaning or your heart in one moment. Sometimes, we all need sometime before we could fully recognize another's journey and heart.

Thank you for talking to me, or should I say, letting my talk?

The Truth

This was a blog that I had written on March 11, 2007, in my friendster account. Enjoy reading, people!!!

I have been reading the blogs of my friend, and I am quite surprised by the things that he/she writes.

There are blogs where people will just complain and complain, and there are blogs where people will just talk about their emotions with no concrete details. These are the blogs that won't usually attract any readers, apart from their inner circles.

I like blogs where people talk honestly about their lifes and their thinkings. Everyone is entitled to their own feelings. As long as one talks honestly, that would still be better than the sweetest lies in this world, though most of the time, the truth is a bitter taste worse than that of a bitter gourd. The truth would sting. But it would always be a thing that push a person to better himself.

I opt for the honest truth, brutally honest. I like to believe that people like Eminem succeeded because their songs were the real life painting of the society that he lives in. Although ugly, it is still the truth, and that is what all of us is looking for. The truth.

Oh well, I guess the other thing that turns me away from a person's blog, is that those blogs are written in English so bad, that it just hurts to read them. No offense to all, but I just cannot stand it when people would just ignore the simple rules of grammar and go, "I is..."!!!

Forgive me for saying it out loud, but this is the truth, and it is better than the sweetest lies in this world, is it not?

To Trust, Or To Believe? What Should It Be?

I have not been here for a month. My life has been busy, busy picking up things where I have left them before. Old friends to gather, new friends to meet, and my work. Everyday starts with me picking up the unfinished ends of yesterday and continuing with what should be done for the rest of it, and starting the whole cycle all over again.

Once in a while, something new would pop up. And that would most certainly disturbed your routine.

These surprises, they could be pleasant, or not.

But whether they were angels, or devils, they most certainly would leave you with a mark. Something for you to remember them by, be it a spot where you smiled at once you laid your eyes on it, or a scar that was just too ugly to bear sight.

Some scars may be ugly, but they are your medals that honour your growth and maturity. Some scars are just there because you chose to trust the wrong person.

I do not trust easily. People lie. This is a plain fact.

Never trust easily, nor fully. Always leave some space in between so you will have time to bulk. This was my lesson.

But once in a while, if it appears in front of me, I will choose to believe.

And once I believe, I hold on to it fast, and will never let go.

Trust and believe. They are not the same.

I may not trust a person's character to accomplish certain things, but I believe in the good in him, that he is capable of being kind to others.

It is hard to trust, harder still to believe. Yet believing can be so easy, the moment that you see it, you will know what to believe in.

It is hard to trust, but believing makes things easier. At least it makes living with that person more bearable.

Burnt Out

I came into work, gloomy to say the least. It was the tenth day of Chinese New Year, and I started to feel rather tired of my recent life.

Don't get me wrong, I am absolutely blissfully happy this Chinese New Year. It has been ten years since our lot graduated high school. Though we are able to meet a few of our friends in between these times, we do not get to see everyone.

Best of all, I get to make new good friends, many of whom are only "pass-by-give-you-a-look" kind of friends when we were in school.

Life is very interesting and fulfilling in it's own way, isn't it?

I am happy, to say the least.

But it has been nearly a full ten days of late night outing, and I am burnt out.

I need a break, guys. Real nice to see you all, but thankfully, you guys are all leaving these few days. No hard feelings, but I will still cherish the moments that we spend together, and your love and heart for me.

Please be safe and take care, wherever you are, my mates!!!

Rag

I woke up this morning, and suddenly things became clear to me.

There were times when I spent too much time and energy doing things that reared no outcome. Yet I chose not to believe in that reality. I like to believe that with my effort, I could change things.

It was great to be able to think like that, and sometimes, things really did change if enough effort and time were invested.

But that does not work for every case.

A piece of torn clothing, however you mend it, will never be the same again, however much you wish it to be.

Reality hit this morning, and I finally decided to let it go.

I will have many more new clothing in the future, though this may be my favorite one, once torn, it will have to go.

50th Dive

I just realized that I have done exactly fifty dives within a year of gaining my PADI Open Water!!! Wow!!!

I have never imagined that I could actually do it. I mean, it was not even in my mind to try out diving two Octobers ago. But now here I was making fifty dives in less than a year, I should probably give myself a good pat on my back!!! Ha ha!!!

Not that it was anything to babbled for many respectable, hard core divers, but it was a significant milestone for me.

Cheer, guys!!! I did fifty dives in ten months!!! Ha ha!!!