Before Cycle Meet

What happens before cycle meetings of a company?

When cycle meeting is about to take place, one will start seeing the signs and symptoms of the approaching event.

Firstly, all will be busy getting prepared for the event, in particular, the management and the organizers of the event. Meetings after meetings will be conducted, in order to determined the contents and flow of the meetings. Late nights and working over the weekend is a norm, so is several sleepless nights for many due to the worries and stresses imposed on every tired minds trying so hard to make things possible.

And that is only at the management level. Down to the grassroots, where men are sent out to fight in this world of cruel competition. In addition to the many and increasing players in the field for the same piece of market pie, there are budget cuts and reduction in head counts. Thus, one would have to shoulder more responsibilities than before to produce the same, if not more, results. With the fixed amount of time allocated for each area over time coverage, the addition of a cycle meeting into the very tight schedule of each manpower means that each will have less time to work in order to reach their target sales. And for that, they would have to work harder and longer hours.

With more time spent on working and less time on resting, it is inevitable that many in the company will fall ill before the meet. Most notably, ailments with its nature in infection, pain and lethargy. An overworked mind and body means that the immune system of the body is low, thus the increase in the events of illness amoung those involved with the meeting.

Thus, it is advisable that reasonable amount of time be dedicated to the resting of the mind and the body, not only to allow sufficient rest for the participants, but also to allow the relative in time to achieve the coverage needed to satisfy the top management in their reports, and of course, the amount of sales to make everyone happy.

Frustration

Sometimes there are so many things in my mind that I wish to say, but the moment I am in front of it, I do not seem to be able to say it right, or even say it out loud.

I am pretty bad with confrontations. Any sort of confrontation, however well I am in preparing it in my mind, will end up with me agreeing to the other party, or being manipulated by the other party.

Sometimes I get so frustrated, my anger boiling at it's boiling point, that all I could do was to kick myself so hard for the pain to numb my other feelings.

I never like being taken advantage of. I have my rights.

I never like being misunderstood. I have my virtues.

I never like being talked badly about behind my back. I have my dignity.

I never like being teased for with my confessions. I have my trust in you.

I will not comply, unless everything have been straightened out.

I will not change my principle, just because you think I should.

I am 28, not 35.

And I don't fucking care about what you think, just because you think that you are better than me.

You can fucking well go to hell with all your lover boys, just don't take me with you.

Do whatever you want with them, but not at my expenses. I will not fucking comply.

Bad Table Service

I hated it when the people in the restaurants were careless in their service.

It was considered ill manners to serve food with chipped utensils, to stack the plates up before the guests leave. Recently, I found a new example of ill table-utensil-service.

Giving your guest two chopsticks of different length!!!

Geez, if this was the way a restaurant treated their guest, imagine how they treated the food that was served?

闷

今天的我，心里面突然一阵郁闷。 我知道，是我， 也有一点责任。

说了一些话，然一个人把他的心给关了起来。

是我，让情况变得有些隔膜。

其实我也没做错什么。也许我们唯一的错，就是我并不是他一个可以推心置腹的朋友。

不知道为什么， 心里会为这件事闷闷的。

Get Out of Your Life and Look Around!!!

A spoilt brat just sat and drank with me two nights ago.

There are times when I tend to forget how naive and self-centered a person can be.

Life is a bitch, and shits around. We are bound to be at the receiving end of all and any sorts of crap to be thrown at us. But that does not mean that we should pick them all up and stink ourselves silly.

When shit happens, just take water and wash them away.

And one should never be angry with life shitting in our pot holes. It just happens, like rain falling onto the roof. Hey, you don't see the roof complaining about a rainy day.

I understand the anger of being unfairly treated, and the feeling of suffocation when one is under the pressure of being responsible for others. You may lashed out at me, with an acid tongue and even ill demeanor, but never forget that you still have yourself and your friends and family around you.

Know the persons who are truly good to you, and take them with you on your journey down. You might need to rest for a while, so rest on the shoulders of your friends. They are strong, and care for you more than you think they do. Trust them to help you, but never expect a particular kind of return, for that would only do more harm to your already tired and torn soul.

Please, take a step back and look around yourself. There are many others who are under the same kind of pressure, yet chose to be strong in the face of trials. Be like them, and you will be happy in the end.

We will all be happy for you.

Fed Up

I have been working late these days, and the work load is starting to get to me.

Don't get me wrong, I still do get my rest, and I get enough of that.

What is getting onto me, is the monotony of my work, and the lack of companion to actually discuss about it.

Yes, I work alone in my place.

I am just starting to get very fed up with my job situation, which seems to be getting nowhere. Whenever there is a problem, I have only myself to handle it. Forget about getting help or support from the head quarter. I am happy enough if they did not give me more trouble to deal with.

Yes, my head quarter does not support their staffs at the other end of the country. Not only do they not provide help nor support, they create more problems and damage for you.

Yes, I not only have to manage my own problem, I have to take and clean up the mess that they create for me.

I am so f****** fed up with all this.

Repentance

Does she still call you?

Nope!

Why? What is the problem?

I don't know.

Hmm....

Right. Hmmm...

There will be times in your life, when you meet with people who will become your friend, then your good friend, then you close friend, and all of a sudden, for certain reasons, the two of you become enemies.

Now why would that happen?

It could have been due to those certain reasons, something that you said or did had hurt him/her. It could have been a misunderstanding. It could have been anything.

But whatever the reason is, whatever the mistake is, there will always be a way of resolving and amending. Nothing is unsolvable. And nothing can't not be forgiven. Even the death of Jesus.

I like the part of the bible, where Jesus asked the people who wanted to stone a sinner to death, and Jesus said, "Whoever has not sinned, can throw stones at this woman." Nobody in the crowd dared to throw the first stone.

I know that I have done many wrongs in my life, and that I am still unknowingly (sometimes knowingly, like sleeping in the afternoon when I am supposed to iron my clothes and cleaning my room ;P) making many of the mistakes known to mankind. But I also know that I am not a perfect person, that making mistakes is part of my journey in life, from the beginning to the end. I try to be good, and learn the good. I try to practise them in my daily life, though in many ways it brings a tougher journey than the other.

But I am bound to make mistakes, for I am still young and naive in many ways. There are many things that I am not taught right in the beginning, and I have to suffer on my way with that. For those things that are dark and nasty inside me, life has a way of cleaning it out. Through life itself, it presents difficulties and trials. Through difficulties and trials, it brings growth, cleansing and betterment.

We are a better and stronger person because of what life has to offer to us. Both the good and the bad, they help us to learn and grow strong. I am a better person because of what happened to me in the past. I may not talk about them to anyone else, but they stay in my heart, and I cherish those experiences.

My wish is to do right by my loved ones, my family and my friends. I may make mistakes, and I am bound to, and I will always take responsibility for what I have done wrong, and bear the consequences.

But please do not give up in me. For all the wrongs that I have done, that is the worst punishment.

I am not the best, nor the holiest. I am a commoner, and I am learning, and trying to be good.

Please forgive me for what I have done.

How Can It Be Wrong?

There are a few things in life that I resent.

One, it is to be taught the wrong values in life.

Two, it is to be taught the wrong attitute in life.

Three, it is to suppress my original self and be forced to become someone or something that fits the "proper" way or behaviour of the community.

There are more, but these are the only ones that I can think of for the time being.

Many of us are brought up not knowing how to think for ourselves. We are taught that if something pleases, then that is the right thing.

We are not taught to stand up or stand by for what is right, but to think about our own benefit and stay the h*** away from any thing that could bring trouble to yourself, even if you know that there was something that you could do to help. Helping is troublesome.

We are taught to be selfish. When there is an accident on the road, slow down only to look, but don't pay any mind to that man laying there on the ground. If you gave him a ride, his blood might just dirty your back seat.

I believe that helping can never be troublesome. How could helping an old lady or a blind to cross the road be troublesome? How could slowing your vehicle for a pedestrian to pass be annoying?

When there is a break-in in your neighbour's house, should you just close you windows and pretend not to see it?

We are afraid of getting involved. We are afraid that if we tried to be the hero, we would get ourselves into greater trouble in the end.

No one is asking you to be the hero. Heroes only exist in the stories and the movies.

I believe that there is always a way of helping people, and turning things around.

Helping will only bring trouble if you did it the wrong or stupid way. Do it right, and you will minimize your risk of getting trouble.

But there will be incident when you help, you will have to pay a little, like letting your back seat being messed up with blood.

There will always be a way to help and contribute, as long as it is done right. If you do it the smart way, the effective way and the productive way, you will never go wrong.

Kudat's Diver Down

While I was hanging out in Edward's dive shop last night, I heard them talking about one particular diver who was sent to Labuan for decompression illness's treatment. Sources said that this man suffered from decompression illness after an one-hour dive in Kudat. It was believed that he stayed too long at a depth of 50m.

After starting diving myself, I have always being asked this question, "Diving? Is it dangerous?"

When I first attended classes for my "Open Water Diver"'s license, I was told that diving was one of the safest sports in this world. Statistically, there are more deaths and injuries in driving than diving. :) As long as the diver practises all safety precautions necessary, and have respect for the nature, I doubt that anything worse than a coral bite or a cramped muscle would happen.

To me, the only danger in diving is the STUPIDITY and ARROGANCE of a diver.

The Truth

This was a blog that I had written on March 11, 2007, in my friendster account. Enjoy reading, people!!!

I have been reading the blogs of my friend, and I am quite surprised by the things that he/she writes.

There are blogs where people will just complain and complain, and there are blogs where people will just talk about their emotions with no concrete details. These are the blogs that won't usually attract any readers, apart from their inner circles.

I like blogs where people talk honestly about their lifes and their thinkings. Everyone is entitled to their own feelings. As long as one talks honestly, that would still be better than the sweetest lies in this world, though most of the time, the truth is a bitter taste worse than that of a bitter gourd. The truth would sting. But it would always be a thing that push a person to better himself.

I opt for the honest truth, brutally honest. I like to believe that people like Eminem succeeded because their songs were the real life painting of the society that he lives in. Although ugly, it is still the truth, and that is what all of us is looking for. The truth.

Oh well, I guess the other thing that turns me away from a person's blog, is that those blogs are written in English so bad, that it just hurts to read them. No offense to all, but I just cannot stand it when people would just ignore the simple rules of grammar and go, "I is..."!!!

Forgive me for saying it out loud, but this is the truth, and it is better than the sweetest lies in this world, is it not?

Stupid

You know how it was like when you had done something really stupid, yet there was no turning back? And while you were feeling stupid all the way, someone came along and started to laugh at you. That, made you felt even more stupid and the act worthless.

I had just paid RM200.00 for a trip down to Sibu, for less than 24 hours in town, to meet a friend. A friend who had been a mate to me during my time as a houseman in Kuala Lumpur.

I know that she is my mate, and that we have spent some really good times together. But that does not mean that she could use our friendship to threaten me to go into town to meet her.

I mean, it takes money and a day of leave to do just that.

Furthermore, she could be so busy with work that she might not have the time to really talk to me.

Now, I'm feeling really stupid.

Better Days

Things just have not been going on too fine for me these days. November is a month of bitterness/happiness cocktail. And I thought that we were supposed to have a good month as a birthday month.

Bitterness: Things just come hitting me on the head by the waves. First, there is the issue with my work. Then, there are issues with my friends. And finally, there is this guy that I secretly admired who decided to get married. He is learning to speak his partner's dialect, for Christ's sake!!!

Oh, shucks...

Happiness: It's my birthday month??? Does that count??? And he has finally found his happiness??

Oh, well... It doesn't matter. It's not period, I mean this choppy month, not the guy's relationship. I do sincerely wish him well in his future "undertakings". Ha!!!

Seriouly, I'm happy for them. They are my very good friends. I was rather annoyed actually when I first heard about them this morning, but that annoyance vanished like smoke into thin air in half a day's time. I mean, how could I not be happy to see them happy? They are a good couple.

I guess it just means that I did not fancy that guy hard enough.

Oh, bother... There will be other trees in the forest, and I live in Borneo!!! The rainforest island!!! Ha ha!!!

And for the sake of faith and hope, let's just hope that this month will get better with this song, by the Goo Goo Dolls: Better Days.

May all of us be blessed with the happiness of life, simple, true and sweet. Cheers!!!

And you ask me what I want this year

And I try to make this kind and clear

Just the chance that maybe we'll find better days

Cuz I don't need boxes wrapped in strings

And designer love and empty things

Just the chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words

And sing out loud

Cuz everyone is forgiven now

Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again

I need someplace simple where we could live

And something only you can give

And that's faith and trust and peace while we're alive

And the one poor child who saved this world

And there's ten million more who probably could

If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them

So take these words

And sing out loud

Cuz everyone is forgiven now

Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again

I wish everyone was loved tonight

And somehow stop this endless fight

Just the chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words

And sing out loud

Cuz everyone is forgiven now

Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again

Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again

Sicker

It is getting worse. Whatever that I was feeling before, it was getting worse.

I am getting more and more disheartened by the moment. All that I could feel now is the greyness that shrouds me like a blanket.

And it is suffocating me.

Work is busy, but that was usual. We are making progress slowly. But there are times when I do wonder, if I really am fulfilled by all this.

My work is my living, but it is not my life.

There are times when I feel that I am like a joke to another, or to others. I don't mind being a clown in a crowd, it makes people laugh and happy. But I hate it dearly when people talked about me behind my back, as though I am a joke. It hurts especially so when those people who talked about me like that are the people dear to me. It do not really hurt when normal people talk about me from behind. I do not really care about them and what they think. I could not give a f***ing damn.

My head is clouded, and I could not think properly. There is something so maddening about it. I just cannot make sense of some things now. Damn, my head hurts.

I cannot think. I cannot make sense of things. My eyes sting. And I cannot feel properly.

I don't want no drugs.

Leave me alone.

Disoriented

I woke up this morning, not knowing what day or time was it.

Everything was a blur in my head.

I had the weirdest dreams. People from different walks of my life were in there, doing things that I did not think that they would normally do. I guessed that they were not bad dreams, at least the lightings were good in them. That said something.

We were in this little japanese room, the size roughly around six tatamis, and sitting in a circle. There was a picture perched on a drawing rack at the right corner of the room, and a sliding door that opened up to the garden (I thought it was a garden) was just beside the drawing, in the middle of the area. People from my present and past life were sitting in a circle in that room. It was like we were having a cell meeting, with education and good will in mind. It was like a family in spirit, something that I once felt when I was still in church.

But I am not in church anymore, and I resent that.

I am alone now, and I don't care. I would rather be on my own, than having to go back and face those people who kill in the name of God. Those who said that they loved and cared for me, yet abandoned me in times of crisis.

That was how I learned to grow strong. I was left alone when I was dying.

What does not kill you, will only make you stronger.

I guess my church nowadays is the open water. That was the drawings on that picture perched at the side of that room in my dream. :)

After thoughts: This is the closest that I would get to talking about my past. Don't touch me there if you are still with me.