Alwin

Dr. Alwin Lee Kim Peng
(1981 - 2006)

Six months has passed since Alwin passed away last Christmas.

I was lazing on the couch on Christmas noon, easing my hangover from the rowdy night before, when I received this sms:

"Dr Alwin just pass away 25/12/06 @10.44am...Thank you. Fr: family"

For two heart beats, I just laid there staring at my phone screen, before it finally dawned on me.

Alwin was really gone.

The few months counting down to Alwin's last moment, I sent him more sms's and called him more times than any other times in college. He was still the same him. A little naughty, and being himself. I guess I regretted a little for not making the trip over to KL to visit him when he was hospitalized. At least WM did make it on one trip, after I told her that Alwin was suffering from Acute Myeloid Leukaemia (AML). My case, I had to fly over to his place, and that was not something I was willing to do at that time.

So, I made that up by calling him often, though not everyday, and prayed for him in the nights.

Alwin did a bone marrow transplant sometime in April or May last year, and was for a period at a slightly better condition. He even went home and had supper out in the market place with his family once. But AML was no easy disease. Every single effort was needed in order to fight it. It was one of the most aggressive and lethal malignancy that killed young people who was diagnosed with it.

Eventually, Alwin stopped replying my messages. He was getting too weak to even type a message on his cell phone.

I was getting more and more worried as the day passed by.

I kept another of his sms in my phone:

"still having discomfort & in hospital! will email u my progress later! dun call me now! can pray for me?"

It just broke my heart to read it.

Then, at 23 December 2006, I remembered another sms that told of him going into a coma. It was then that I knew that it won't be long.

Two days later, Alwin passed away.

Rest in peace, Al, and I hope that your stay here was good.

Heat

I looked to the sky, and saw that it was greyish blue. I guess it would rain this afternoon.

I hoped that it would rain.

I had been having some heat spells for the past few days. My voice had changed due to that, and I kept feeling lazy and tired in midday. I never liked that.

During the days when I was in the U.K., Summer was the time when I spent the least time sleeping, for the day was long in summer. I could be up at six in the morning, and kept going on with life until eleven in the evening, yet not feel the slightest bit of tiredness.

Back here in Kuching, the heat really got to me, especially during the dry season.

One other thing that I did not like about the dry season, was that the neighbouring country would burn their jungles at this time. That was to prepare their land for a new year of planting. Burning of the land at such big scale, caused the whole region to be enveloped in smog and haze.

I hated that. Still do.

Let's just hope that I'll survive through this period once again for another year.

Talk

I know that this is a little bit out of the blue, but.. I'm MARRIED!!!

Nah~

Never mind what I just said, the thing is, I'm happy. A little bit bordering blissfully happy. Well, may be not there yet, but I'm working my way there.

I have taken some of my weights off my shoulder and out of my heart. So, that gives me more freedom to move around. Or, should I say, I am just glad that I got what I wanted to say off my chest now.

Previously, I had been burdening myself with all my own thoughts and my emotions. With everything bottled up in me, I give myself no space and no air to breathe in. Not talking is most certainly not healthy, the same goes with talking too much. :)

But now, I have had my chance to talk, and to get those things of me, I am most definitely feeling absolutely happy.

I like to talk. It keeps the relationship healthy. But only with a few conditions that you are able to speak the truth, with no emotional or any other form of biases, and that you speak from your heart. Put the person you are talking to in front of you, and think about that person when you talk. Remember, the purpose is to get your point(s) across.

Talk and try to make that person understand, but don't expect him or her to fully grasp your meaning or your heart in one moment. Sometimes, we all need sometime before we could fully recognize another's journey and heart.

Thank you for talking to me, or should I say, letting my talk?

The Truth

This was a blog that I had written on March 11, 2007, in my friendster account. Enjoy reading, people!!!

I have been reading the blogs of my friend, and I am quite surprised by the things that he/she writes.

There are blogs where people will just complain and complain, and there are blogs where people will just talk about their emotions with no concrete details. These are the blogs that won't usually attract any readers, apart from their inner circles.

I like blogs where people talk honestly about their lifes and their thinkings. Everyone is entitled to their own feelings. As long as one talks honestly, that would still be better than the sweetest lies in this world, though most of the time, the truth is a bitter taste worse than that of a bitter gourd. The truth would sting. But it would always be a thing that push a person to better himself.

I opt for the honest truth, brutally honest. I like to believe that people like Eminem succeeded because their songs were the real life painting of the society that he lives in. Although ugly, it is still the truth, and that is what all of us is looking for. The truth.

Oh well, I guess the other thing that turns me away from a person's blog, is that those blogs are written in English so bad, that it just hurts to read them. No offense to all, but I just cannot stand it when people would just ignore the simple rules of grammar and go, "I is..."!!!

Forgive me for saying it out loud, but this is the truth, and it is better than the sweetest lies in this world, is it not?