MIndless rambling

And where does all these goes?

It being late, and I'm still up, as do many of us.

Things aren't going as smoothly as I thought it should be.

May be it's the global recession, may be it's me...

Whatever it is, I am slowly changing.

I still want my friends and family. I still want to be a part of them.

I just don't really have the time and mood to just hang out nowadays.

I just wanna have some alone time, to think about the things that I've missed thinking while I was busy.

I meet them, many of them, tonight. But it has been different. I have been away for a long time.

Certain things, I do not regret.

Certain things, I hope I have done right by them.

But most of all, I just want to have peace in my heart. And be happy for what I am , who I am, and what I have.

I just wanna be me.

Fake Tattoos

It is only natural in this world, that human beings, be them man or woman, beautifies themselves in ways that they see fit. Some colour their faces, others add or reduce parts of their anatomy. But all is fine, as long as they are the true expression of oneself, if not pleasing to the eyes.

However, there is one thing that I just find pathetic in a person, that is he/she would go about sporting a FAKE tattoo, and trying to look cool in it.

I like tattoos, though I have none myself. It shows character, and that is because one needs to go through pain and bleeding in order to obtain it. And that, itself, takes a lot of courage and endurance, particularly those tattoos done in sensitive places. I admire them, the people who has gone through the bloody ritual of being engrave with a symbol that represents something in themselves or their lifes. I respect this way of individual expression.

That is why it annoys me a lot to see someone wearing a fake one on the arm or the thigh, especially on people whom we all know from first look that they are the least likely person to go for a tattoo themselves. This, in my own way of seeing it, is a disgrace to themselves, as it only goes on to show how much of a chicken they are. These wannabes are so much without character, that it just turns me off.

My advice? Don't wear a tattoo unless you are sure that you had wanted it, and that you have found just that right one, on the right place. And never print the names of your boy/girlfriends, lovers, or husbands/wives in the tattoo. You'll never know when you will regret that tattoo.

Oh~ Just Another Blog of the Day...

It had been a while since I last blogged. A friend of mine was asking me when I would start writing again, and I was pleasantly surprised that anyone would want to read my writings.

I have, however, these days, been more fond of looking into Facebook and updating my status from time to time. I find that a better and easier way of expressing myself, with more interactions and feedback. Blogging can be quite a lonely task, as though you are talking and writing into an abyss.

One colleague of mine asked me one day, "Huh? You actually wrote in your FB about your sales?" Well, not so much in context, but more of the emotional side of it. :-)

Chinese New Year is just round the corner, and tonight I am sitting here in my hotel room writing to tell the world what I have to say, which is nothing much. Updating can be a pain in the ass when you already have to update your sales reports everyday. Furthermore, I do not want to bore my readers with what I had for breakfast this morning in the airport. But since I mentioned breakfast, McDonald's opened at 4 a.m. in the airport, and the freshly prepared Sausage McMuffin was heavenly on a cold morning.

I had two of that this morning.
(There, that was my "sinful act" of the morning).

And I am reading a book now documenting the life of a "Multiple Personalities Disordered" person. I found out that the more specific term for this condition is "Dissociative Identity Disorder, DID", whereby a person might display distinctly different personalities that would emerge when the person reached adulthood at different times and circumstances.

In many cases, the person had undergone childhood abuse, both physically and/or sexually, of which the child had chosen to blocked out during the event. These alters were the personalities that carried the memories of the abuse, while protecting the child from suffering since young.

I then googled the term "DID" on the net and found an interesting and comprehensive video on the condition, and it was heartbreaking to watch the people suffering from DID. Understanding brings sympathy and empathy for the victim and also the carer of the victim. It was a life of absolute distortion, of not remembering what really had happened to oneself, and the constant danger of hurting oneself. Self-mutilation is common. One woman set fire on her car and woke up later breathing through a respirator.

So much for now. Currently, I consider the book the most interesting thing in my life now, and had done a slight research of the content, apart from the fact that I had to get ready for the new year, bring in more sales, travel to places, furnish my room, supervise a gathering for the scout group, pinning a date down for the event, and make sure that the kids are doing okay. (Not my kids, the kids that are supposed to be organizing the gathering).

But I have made many good friends along the way, particularly when I am travelling alone. Busy is my life, but the fulfilment is there.

Durian and the Satisfaction It Brings

I had durian today.

The fruit was not big. A rather small piece of thing, but since I was the only one to have it, the amount was just nice.

Grandpa had it cut up for me. He halved it and left it on the table. He was not taking any, as the time was after dinner. Grandpa was a borderline diabetic, and since his discovery he had reduced all intake of carbohydrates.

The fruit was nice. Just the way I like it. The flesh was off white and creamy, with a slight bitter taste to it. Just my kind of durian. I took almost ten nuts of it, and could not finish with the last three. I put them in the fridge. Someone can have them later.

I am satisfied now, and bloated.

Ah~~~

Frustration

Sometimes there are so many things in my mind that I wish to say, but the moment I am in front of it, I do not seem to be able to say it right, or even say it out loud.

I am pretty bad with confrontations. Any sort of confrontation, however well I am in preparing it in my mind, will end up with me agreeing to the other party, or being manipulated by the other party.

Sometimes I get so frustrated, my anger boiling at it's boiling point, that all I could do was to kick myself so hard for the pain to numb my other feelings.

I never like being taken advantage of. I have my rights.

I never like being misunderstood. I have my virtues.

I never like being talked badly about behind my back. I have my dignity.

I never like being teased for with my confessions. I have my trust in you.

I will not comply, unless everything have been straightened out.

I will not change my principle, just because you think I should.

I am 28, not 35.

And I don't fucking care about what you think, just because you think that you are better than me.

You can fucking well go to hell with all your lover boys, just don't take me with you.

Do whatever you want with them, but not at my expenses. I will not fucking comply.

Survival Kit

So, what if one day I were to go into the wilderness?

I wonder what I should be bringing with me?

Here are some suggestions from a friend.

A torch, a Swiss army knife and a blue flame light stick.

Hmmm.....

This blue flame light stick is suppose to be non-toxic and non-radioactive.
This should be very useful in dark places, such as the insides of caves.

More suggestions came in...

Tea leaves for tea breaks, safety clips to hold stuffs, and a deck of cards to pass time...

On top of that, one could still add in...

A cap for sun protection, some pills for flu and a bottle of tiger balm, that works miracles for itch and stuffy nose.

This should keep one safe enough from the terrain...

Kids and My Love

I am a sucker for kids. Alright, I will admit that.

The moment a baby or a cute little thing appear within my field of vision, my head turns as fast as a man would in the direction of a beautiful woman. My eyes will shine like the stars in a clear night sky, and my body will move automatically towards the direction of the cute little thing.

I have no idea why I like them so much. They can be the noisiest and the most demanding of all people, yet one just cannot say no to them when they start to look at you with their pleading puppy eyes.

Not that I have kids of my own. I wonder if my love and perception for kids will change once I do have them? Having kids to play around is fun, but on the other hand, I am not the most patient person in this world. I might not like them that much anymore once I started to have them hanging around me 24/7.

Geez... I guess I might just have one kid in my life then... :)

One Weekend Some Time Ago

I was sitting in front of SOHO one Saturday night, sipping little sips of Black Label from a plastic cup (the pub had run out of glasses, it was a weekend night), while watching the people coming in and out of the place.

This really was an interesting place.

Like my friend Jude once told me,"People come in a couple, or they come in a group. Some come alone. Some come to make a group, some come to be in a group." This was very true for SOHO during weekends. (Jude was actually referring to another pub when he said that, but I guess that was the truth for most places.)

SOHO was packed that night. It was like the whole town of young people were there. The age group that came here each night seemed to be getting younger and younger. Everyone was drinking and laughing like a maniac all around. Yet, I still see a young girl sitting alone by the flower pots in front of the place. It was nearly midnight, and she was looking tired and bored. I guessed not everybody enjoyed the place.

I wonder if the people there were truly happy.

I suddenly felt tired. May be, I should just go home.

Selfish Lover

You know how it is like to be in a relationship, where one of you is always the one to take one step back and let the other has his/her way?

Em-Hmm.. (Sorting through my documents)

Whenever there is a problem, you just do not want to say it out, for you are afraid that he/she would be unhappy, and you fear losing him/her.

Yeah... *I know, I've been through that,*(continuing with my work)

But keeping the problems inside does not solve the problem. Instead, it only adds tension to the relationship...

Mmm... (looking at my documents, *these numbers are wrong*)

With all the problems inside you, you are rigid when you are around him/her, or very quiet, or uneasy, or unhappy. And when you are like this, he/she will be affected. And he/she will feel like running away from you.

(Look up, then look down at my work again)

If you say it out, then he/she will say that you are giving them a lot of burden, and he/she will use that to break up with you.

Sigh...

So, the conclusion is, this is not a healthy relationship. He/she just does not love you that much. Not even enough for you to be yourself, to say whatever it is that you want in front of him/her. Given the chance, he/she will use every little reason to leave you, even petty ones.

These are the people who love themselves and only themselves.

Just let it go, bro.

To Trust, Or To Believe? What Should It Be?

I have not been here for a month. My life has been busy, busy picking up things where I have left them before. Old friends to gather, new friends to meet, and my work. Everyday starts with me picking up the unfinished ends of yesterday and continuing with what should be done for the rest of it, and starting the whole cycle all over again.

Once in a while, something new would pop up. And that would most certainly disturbed your routine.

These surprises, they could be pleasant, or not.

But whether they were angels, or devils, they most certainly would leave you with a mark. Something for you to remember them by, be it a spot where you smiled at once you laid your eyes on it, or a scar that was just too ugly to bear sight.

Some scars may be ugly, but they are your medals that honour your growth and maturity. Some scars are just there because you chose to trust the wrong person.

I do not trust easily. People lie. This is a plain fact.

Never trust easily, nor fully. Always leave some space in between so you will have time to bulk. This was my lesson.

But once in a while, if it appears in front of me, I will choose to believe.

And once I believe, I hold on to it fast, and will never let go.

Trust and believe. They are not the same.

I may not trust a person's character to accomplish certain things, but I believe in the good in him, that he is capable of being kind to others.

It is hard to trust, harder still to believe. Yet believing can be so easy, the moment that you see it, you will know what to believe in.

It is hard to trust, but believing makes things easier. At least it makes living with that person more bearable.

无题

来之则有之，
去之则无之，
无之亦安之，
安之亦乐之。

May Be I Should Play

Life is getting boring.

It is the same thing day in and day out. There is not much excitement in it.

I guess I am just feeling a little bit down these days.

I mean, why am I so serious about some of those things?

Girls should play around, don't they? ;)

May be I should start to play around... :D

Don't tell me it's a bad thing...

What Ya Thinking???

Saturday came, and there was nothing that I could do.
If I were to look, there would be a milllion things to do.
But I was lazy.
Laziness is one of my biggest problems in life. I am not quite a high achiever due to this "illness" of mine.
Come to think of it, if I were not lazy, then what would I have become?

I could be THIS!!!!

Russia's Top Woman Player

Maria Sharapova

Or this!!!!

France Presidential Candidate

Ms. Segolene Royal
Or THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miss Bikini World 2006

Miss Ecuador

My Pic

I quite like this pic of myself in the mirror.

中秋时到八月诗

Alwin sent me this:

吴刚调戏嫦尔笑
玉兔思量断臂山
后羿自宫众人乐
桂树长住广寒宫

去年今日此床上
真刀真枪干正欢
弹痕依旧留衿被
只剩一人对月亮

A bit sad, especially the last few phrases... But hey, it's only meant as entertainment... Alwin said that it's laughable... Well, may be for the first few phrases... But the last few phrases are rather sad... Don't you think so, KP???

And oh, 中秋节快乐！！！

September Blues

September is just not a good month.

It is a lazy month, a month where I do not have the mood or energy to do anything at all.

Yet I have done much. I went on my first diving trip to the Satang island, where the waters were known for its muckiness and murkiness.

That was my first muck dive. Visibility was bad, less than 1 metre. I couldn't even see my buddy's fins unless they were right in front of me.

Then there was the time which I spent with MC.

MC was cool. I could hang out with her for hours and not get bored for one minute. Laughter is a natural. We would come together not knowing what to talk to each other for the first few minutes, but then soon after we would be rambling and laughing our heads off for the rest of our time together, be it an hour or a day.

We practically guffawed at some points.

Recently I took to the habit of teasing her about her boobs.

It did not start intentionally. I met her this one day when she decided to wear a black loose, yet not so loose, top. While talking animatedly to my other friend, I accidentally placed my fingers on her boobs.... Boobs, people, not just "a (as in ONE) boob"...

-__-"

She was wearing BLACK that day, for goodness sake!!!! How was I to know where exactly to place my fingers??? I couldn't, at that time, have a clear view of the landscape!!! If I had known where the mountains were, I would not have touch her there!!!

And then there was another episode where I (again!!!) accidentally elbowed her on her right pack.

I didn't do that on purpose, I swear!!!

I wasn't even looking!!! She was also wearing black that night!!!

Then there was the day before, when she came in a flare green skirt with lace at the edge and (another) black and loose (yet not so loose) top. I pretended to peep into her cleavage from the top of her head while she was sitting down. Haha!!!

I did not see a thing, though... Damn...!! Not even her cleaves....

She is finally looking more like her acquired profession, with that skirt thing.

I think it will take me sometime to get use to an MC who will be wearing lengthy skirts and dresses for most of her day. The only outfits that I have seen her in so far, are either pants (short, quartered, and long), or her lovely pink bikini (just enough to cover and hold).

But what the heck, I will still love that MC who laughs like what she just heard is the funniest thing in the world, be she in her hot, sexy spaghetti or in a classic sphinster "cover-me-all-long-dull-and-grey" dress.

Fish!!! This blog is written for you!!! We are all fine here, lady!!! Doing well, and living good. But we are all in our blues period now. MC is fighting with the blues that came with not getting her posting, and I am fighting with my blues that came with my job.

We all miss you!!! Just so you know, if you ever suffer from any episode of sneezing frenzy, that would be us talking about you in Meow Meow Land!!! Hahahaha!!!

Take care, lady, and have a good month!!!

Imagine You & Me

Ever thought about going gay?

Or is it something that one just felt, and not decide?

Sexual confusion.

Does everyone feel it, or is it just a portion of us?

Do we feel it sometimes, at a certain period of our life? Or do we just know?

Sexual confusion.

We are not supposed to be confused. Initially, there were only a man and a woman.

Just one man, and just one woman.

Man and woman, they fit, like two jigsaw puzzles.

Man and man, or woman and woman, they are two of the same pieces.

And that is the saddest part of it all. They match, but they don't fit.

Sexual confusion. We are not supposed to be confused.

It's just you and me... imagine that...

Is that the Right Hormone???

What is going to happen if guys started to pop Norethisterone (I.E. synthetic, i.e. man-made, progesterone, i.e. female hormone) into their body? On top of that, they are also taking Clomifene.

All you pharmacists out there!!!! If you are reading this, please give me some feedback!!! I have absolutely no idea what all this would do to a male structure, other than making him more feminine.